I don't mind it, Bazbollocks, that is. Is it a load of 'old bollocks', or could it be what they want us to think it is? Sorry, that what, is Bazball—it no longer warrants an introduction or apostrophes. Both are valid questions, don't you think?
As for 'Bazbollocks'—apostrophes still required—I must come clean; this is not entirely my doing. I'm positive the author of this creative parody wished for his word to be essentially inimitable—oh, sorry, the author is Jim Maxwell, of ABC fame—however, it carries such weight on the 'mocking scale' that there's no way it will escape joyous plagiarism. I hope to be the first to commit such a crime! Thank you, Jim.
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It's impossible not to sound treasonous when casting an opinion on the current English men's cricket team. The patent holders of Bazball.
Few could have prophesied the impact of such a simple concept; just do everything you're not supposed to, create chaos, and leave opponents looking for answers to questions they've never encountered. Beautifully simplistic. Two Kiwis and a Pom changing the complexion of Test cricket.
For reasons of disclosure, I wanted to say that I have chosen, mostly purposely, some tardily, not to apply for Australian citizenship—after moving to Australia in 2001. More, "permanent residency" is the category that best aligns with my understanding of the 'land of the long weekend' and 'habitual abbreviations.' In politics, I would be considered an outlier, drifting more to the centre rather than charging to the left and right extremes when comparing my allegiances to England and Australia—that's in cricket terms. My positional play in politics would be equally centrist, for what it's worth; pretty pathetic, hey?
It's difficult not to sound treasonous when forming an opinion on the current English men's cricket team. The one that flies proudly under the 'Bazball is king' moniker. For reasons of disclosure, I wanted to say that I have chosen, mostly purposely, some tardily, not to apply for Australian citizenship—after moving here in 2001. More, "permanent residency" feels like the category that aligns best with my relationship with the 'land of the long weekend' and 'habitual abbreviations.' In politics, I would be considered an outlier, drifting more to the centre rather than charging to the left and right extremes when comparing my allegiances to England and Australia—that's in cricket terms. My positional play in politics would be equally centrist, for what it's worth; pretty pathetic, hey?
In the current state of Bazball's evolution, I side more at the 'Bazbollocks' end of equilibrium. Bazball feels like a protection mechanism for a team that has transcended itself from bashful teenager to twenty-something gigolo.
Ask yourself this. Has a professional sports team hoodwinked the media more successfully than the Ben Stokes/Brendon McCullum-led England? Gareth Southgate will be pissing on his chips! He's the dude in the waistcoat; he manages the England men's football team.
If you need some evidence, try this:
England's selection of three spinners in the first Test looked optimistic, particularly when you look at India's trio. Ah well, horses for courses, baby. The problem was that two horses hadn't raced before, and the other was lame. Still, not to be deterred, the ebullient visitors decided to open their first bowling innings with a twirler called Tom Hartley, who, you guessed it, had zero Test wickets to his Northern name. This is Bazbollocks, baby; we do things differently here! That they did. After a first innings mauling, Hartley re-grouped and bowled England to victory in the game's fourth innings—I think he took seven fa. That's Bazball baby.
No questions asked.
Gideon Haigh described Tom Hartley as resembling a 1940s war poet. Vintage Haigh.
There was also Ollie Pope's batting contribution. After looking like he couldn't 'bat an eyelid' in the first innings, Pope re-emerged with a masterpiece in the second. Granted, it must be categorised as one of the great contemporary Test innings—I think it was 197. So much so that Joe Root described Pope's hand as a "benchmark innings" he went further, saying, "I'm not the benchmark any more." This is my point, Joe Root is fundamentally a class act, but Bazball has him deluded; pre-Bazball, you would never hear such dribble!
Bazball 1, India 0.
Jim, where's your 'Bazbollocks' now?
India can be excused; they are missing over half a team, and Bazball confuses them, as it did the World Champion, Australia.
The hosts hung in there to claim victory in the second Test. Bazball circled but ultimately failed.
No questions asked.
England started well enough in their fourth innings run chase before sinking into a quagmire of their own making. Nonetheless, and surprisingly, we weren't told this, England still managed the second-best fourth innings total as guests of the almighty India.
Jasprit Bumrah was irresistible; pace, late movement, and devastating accuracy. Shubman Gill smiles like an eager assassin and bats with a touch to match. And Yashasvi Bhupendra Jaiswal bats like a seventeen-year-old Sachin Tendulkar—look out, everyone.
Concluding. 'Bazbollocks' is pretty good. It has an alluring ring, don't you think?
To counter: Bazball is also holding its ground. Granted.
Finally, back to Jim Maxwell. He is in the twilight phase of a thoroughly impressive commentary career that has seen him as the mainstay of ABC's cricket coverage for the last 50 years. Would he offer 'Bazbollocks' on air? We don't think so. However, in Double Bay's 'The Oak' with a glass of something cold, that's another matter.
The recent churlish behaviour—Bazball—adopted by England under the auspices of Baz McCullum and Ben Stokes has gotten under Jim's thinning skin. But that's the whole idea, isn't it?
Ps. This shapes as an ongoing debate. As always, thank you for being here.