How Taylor Swift wins Super Bowl LVIII
For the Kansas City Chiefs and Andy Reid; forget Trav Trav Kelce, he's just a 'loose end'
Sunday evening, yes, a strange time to publish. My apologies. However, I wanted to file this post before Super Bowl mania really kicks in—if it does at all for you! OK, the headline is misleading, but you should find a laugh or two if you make it through to the end. Please read along with a sense of parodic sensibility. Nick
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It’s been a steady couple of weeks in the Taylor Swift sphere. Tay Tay Swift, the global music superstar, predictably dominated the latest Grammy Awards, the highlight being her record-breaking fourth album of the year win. Standing in the minority, I remain a confused sceptic regarding all things Tay Tay Swift. How can one person hold so much influence across so many genres? I’m sorry, it’s just not on! I did like this; “Tay Tay’s boyfriend is playing at the Usher concert this weekend!
Andy Reid, though—Head Coach of the Kansas City Chiefs—that’s another story. I am an unabashed fan and, by association, a Chiefs barracker. Also, I was, by chance, an Andy Pandy fan back in the day. Andy Pandy was much loved, as is Andy Reid. For me, Andy Reid is the consummate coach; he oozes covert confidence—the best kind—I hear he is ultra-inclusive with players and coaches alike, and his steely unpredictability as a tactician sets him apart from his peers. Kyle Shanahan and the 49ers best bring their A-Game.
You've probably heard love is in the air down at the Chiefs. Tay Tay Swift has recently hooked up with Trav Trav Kelce, the Chief's star tight end—that's a position on the offensive side of the ball, in case you thought he had short arms and long pockets! It's all the talk; Swift has been seen at games wearing a stop-sign red sweater, jumping up and down whenever Kelce gets anywhere near the ball. Apparently, Brittany Mahomes, wife of star quarterback Pat Mahomes, is big-time pissed. The TV cameras constantly pointing at Mrs Mahomes now focus solely on Tay Tay Swift's in-game antics.
There's more to all of this. Try this first:
Donald Trump and his GOP—they need no intro—are pushing an outrageous conspiracy theory based on Swift and Kelce's romance being nothing more than "carefully crafted political propaganda." Taylor Swift endorsed Joe Biden in 2020; seemingly, some of the more radical right still bear significant grudges toward her. So, in the eyes of the right, the 'star couple' will presumably pull off some sort of endorsement that the masses will buy. And, to go a step further, former Republican presidential candidate Vivek Ramaswamy offered that the NFL would fix tomorrow's game so Kelce/Swift/Reid would win to make it all the more impactful. I mean, seriously, this is madness, right? Swift is undoubtedly liberal, but who can blame her for finding love with a bearded tight end who sweats 'Woop Woop'.
And this, second:
Taylor Swift uses Trav Trav Kelce as a bridge to get to Andy "Pandy' Reid. She is in love with the older guy! It's as plain as mud. My inside mole intercepted this communication (below), which frames what we now know—Tay Tay Swift is playing a tryst triangle with two of KC's finest. If Brittany Mahomes was privy to this mail, all would be right again in her 'perfect world.'
Swift extricated Andy Reid's number from Kelce's phone and sent this text. She had written a song dedicated to Reid and his Chiefs; Swift had done what she knew was best; all that remains is for her to give him a rendition behind closed doors. Personally, I don't see Tay Tay as Reid's type!
Andy, I know this might come as a surprise, but you have moved me to a point where I just had to dedicate a song to your name and legacy. Please let me know if you would like to. Hugs & pecks, Tay Tay #87
"Andy ‘Pandy’ Reid, oh Andy Reid
You're a football genius, indeed
Leading the Chiefs to victory
With your playbook of mastery.
Tay Tay sings just for you, wishing we can be just two and two
Every play you call is gold
As you pave the way for the Lombardi to hold
With Travis Kelce by your side
The opposing teams better run and hide.
KC fans will chant and roar
As the Chiefs score more and more
Super Bowl LVIII will be your crowning glory
A trophy for Kansas City's story.
But the 49ers are here to try
To take down the Chiefs, oh my!
But Mahomes and his crew
Won't let that dream come true.
Andy Reid, don't lose your nerve
We know the 49ers will try to swerve
But your Chiefs will hold strong
As you march towards the Lombardi song.
So let's go Chiefs, show them your might
In Super Bowl LVIII, win this fight!
Mahomes, Kelce, Reid - let's make history
And bring home the trophy for KC and your one and only Tay Tay”
I might leave it to you which conspiracy you believe. For me, I’m all in on both!
OK, serious hat on. This, the Super Bowl, is the "Greatest Show on Turf."
This should be a pisser. A QB who will now be judged solely by his number of rings and his comparisons to Tom Brady. On the other side of the line, you have a quarterback who plays the gamebook. We know Brock Purdy has more than just facilitation. Fascinating.
Enjoy the game. Go Chiefs
Did you also write a tune to match those lyrics. Very impressive